Thursday, January 29, 2009

Good Bye Peeps

I am outta here.........................

You can find me on facebook..........there is where I will be posting my stuff. Just a quicker easier way that doesn't require much time and thought and effort that I just dont' have right now.

I am under Stacey Birtciel Swanson

Friday, January 9, 2009

Salted Nut Roll Bars Suck Arse

Or maybe it is me that sucks arse.......but either way I am blaming it on the recipe. I have pictures but I don't feel like uploading them. In actuality, the bars look fantastic......although they are a disguise of evil. I don't even really want to blog about it. It's over, they are in the garbage where they belong and maybe this weekends new Boston Cream Pie recipe will make up for them. Salted Nut Roll Bars are the bastard child of unsalted nut roll bars. Okay, I made that up.


Tonight I am making pizza on the Big Green Egg. It is one of my favorite things to do and is my specialty. I am "known" for my pizzas. Tonight I am going top my crust with herbed olive oil, a 4 cheese blend (hormone free of course because I don't need my cows hopped up on estrogen I got a enough of that), thinly sliced pan roasted filet mignon, roasted red and yellow peppers and some sharp white cheddar. Going to pair that with a BLT salad of romaine hearts, grape tomatoes and crumbled bacon with some asiago and cracked peppercorn dressing. Dessert is store bought since the bastard arse nut rolls didn't turn out.....either a chocolate mousse or some apple blossoms. Cardio paddles are always close at hand....just chew the baby aspirin if you feel a heart attack coming on, it hits the blood stream faster. This is why I chug a flaxmeal smoothie every morning for breakfast with some shooters of Triple Omega 3 fish oil can never start to early.

I leave you with a past pizza photo........olive oil base, mozzarella, asiago, italian turkey sausage, roasted red and yellow peppers and crumbled goat cheese, fresh oregano/basil/italian parsley. COME TO PAPA!

This is my apple pie pizza, which is the heading picture of my blog.

ABC of Yoga
Today I leave you with Salabhasana or Locust Pose...........

There is no better high than being in a silent room with a swarm of sweaty locusts.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I Am Making It A Stouffer's Night

I am quite embarrassed to admit that tonight will be a Stouffer's Night! There, I said it. Chastise me as you see fit, I deserve it.

We are having a hillbilly supper at the Swanson's tonight. I haven't decided between the individual meatloaves or the chicken enchiladas. Of course I haven't completely lost my faculties and it will be paired with an heirloom lettuce salad, sprinkled with roasted pecans, dried cranberries and some shredded asiago drizzled with some extra virgin olive oil and sea salt. There are some nights though, when I quite frankly, just don't have it together. So either Schwans or Stouffers saves my arse. Fresh Market is also great for some quick white wine and herb rotisserie chickens and they have great soup.

My yoga classes during the week start at on those nights it throws my "gourmet" game off.

Bad news or good news, depending on how you view this blog. My Dell laptop that had been struggling with asthma for the last year finally gave in and took his last breath 2 mornings ago (I am sure it did not help that I punched him square in the gh section of the keyboard either). It was time....he had wanted me to pull the plug for sometime but I kept the life support running. Unfortunately for me......most of my pictures that I had saved and not posted of my culinary treasures are gone forever. Of course I hadn't gotten around to uploading my things to a safe haven, who has time to do that on a regular basis?? Not me.

Anywho' I am picture less today.

I am however, very excited that I received my new Cuisine at Home and it has the Creamiest and Sweetest Boston Cream Pie you have ever laid eyes on. Not only does it have the luscious yellow cake but there is also a layer of chocolate cake right smack in the middle. Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus!!!!!!!!!!! Perhaps this weekend I can grace my up dog thighs with this beast of a cake or is it a pie??? Then I will gladly share with my online folks.

For now, I leave you with this
compliments of ABC of Yoga
Virabhadrasana I or Warrior 1 pose......cuz every woman should have a strong warrior lurking inside her body just waiting to kick some out of line ass...if need be.

Per Wiki~A Boston cream pie is a round cake that is split and filled with a custard or cream filling and frosted with chocolate.

Created by French chef M. Sanzian at Boston's Parker House Hotel, opened in 1855, this pudding/cake combination comprises two layers of sponge cake filled with vanilla custard or crème pâtissière. The cake is topped with a chocolate glaze (such as ganache) and sometimes confectioner's sugar or a cherry.

Friday, January 2, 2009

New Year's Resolutions are for Wussies

New Years Resolution~
The things you promise yourself you will do over the year, but quit after the first 2 weeks.

I have NEVER been one for resolutions. You either phucking do it or you don't......why do you need Jan. 1 to make a new path for yourself??? Why can't you start it on May 16 at 3:30 in the afternoon??? No one ever goes through with them.

The one thing I am definately not looking forward to is the gym on Monday. For people like me, who have been exercising their ass off since 1992 religiously for 6, sometimes 7 days a week it pisses me off to go into the gym after the first of the year and not be able to find a machine to work on or someone has all of a sudden moved their fat unlimber arse into my.....MY MY MY MY yoga spot. The yoga spot that is MINE.....all mine. EVERYONE there knows it is mine....they don't phuck with my spot. I thought about putting caution tape around my spot before I left Monday night but the yogi just frowned at me.

I have decided to join in on this nonsense though and make some resolutions........although these are resolutions I know I can keep.

#1 Continue to eat and cook as much yummy food as possible without gaining a pound.
#2 Continue to yoga my ass off while balancing a cinnamon roll on each arse cheek while doing a shoulder stand (now if I could only take a bite of the roll in this pose my life would be complete).
#3 And last but not least, continue to display my Child's Holiday Artwork on My Bottles of Alcohol.

Yes, that IS a TeePee on some Tortuga Light Rum......fits quite nicely

And what paperbag turkey wouldn't be happy celebrating his Thanksgiving atop a bottle of Capn' Morgan Coconut Rum????

What??? It is all for cooking, give me a break, sheesh.
Don't you EVER say I don't have class honey, cuz I got class!!!!!!!!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

HAPPY FRICKIN' 2009!!!!!!! A Reflection On Christmas Foodie Delights of 2008!!!!

I rang my New Year in with a little bit o'this..................Chocolate Carmel Lava Cake with a scoop of Vanilla Blue Bell (best ice cream in the south). I only ate 1/2 of it, I swear. Dana ate his and the rest of mine......then complained the rest of the movie (Juno) oooooh oh why did I eat all of that. Gluttonous perhaps??

Here is a continuation of the previous blog about the King Arthur Flour stuffed walnut cookies. Chocolate hazelnut and white chocolate hazelnut filling spread between and then sandwiched together.

I can't believe I didn't put these on a plate for a more appropriate picture, but you know me, Miss Inappropriate....even in Christmas Cookies.

These little rounds of heaven are the beginnings of Gourmet Magazines 2007 Peppermint Patties. My smudge of chocolate on the parchment paper is uber professional.

These are absolutely amazingly simple to make and soooooo delicious. They keep for a month in the fridge. I usually freeze mine between parchment paper but find that I keep sneaking one or two throughout the day. They are very yummy cold.

This bubbly concoction comes from Gourmet Magazines 2008 Christmas Cookie selection.

Looking purrrty damn good.......yeah I know it is not a cookie, give me a break.

It was their recipe for a brittle.

It was like a sundae without the ice cream. Although you could have been really bad and beat the bejeezus out of it and sprinkled it over ice cream. Everyone needs the bejeezus beat out of them occasionally and especially during the holidays when they get out of line. This wasn't one of those "break your teeth into shards" type-o-brittle either which made it all the dentist bill is ALWAYS a plus.

Have I lost you yet???? c'mon, I know your attention span.......this can't be easy for you. If you are still following......I am very impressed, Kudos to you. I tried to include lots 'o pictures for you non-reading folks.

I basically had TWO food Phuck-Ups for Christmas 2008. This was one of them.

What started out as a wonderful fruity Italian Panettone turned out to be a nasty disgusting bread o'shit. I have decided to make this the Foodie Quote of the year 2008.

The bread smelled wonderful.....fruity and heavenly....I even purchased fiori di scilia for the authentic Panettone flavor. The dough was baked up perfectly but when you bit into was what you would imagine vomit to taste like. I couldn't even bare to take a picture of the finished product. Phuck-up #1 down.....1 to go ho ho ho.

Phuck-up #2 Aunt Bill's Brown Candy (yes, I said Aunt Bill)

You start with a water and sugar syrup and simmer until amber or golden brown for you color challenged individuals. Trust me....this is not an easy task....try it sometime.

Then you add in a cream and sugar mixture and boil until hard ball stage (no, not blue balls....hard balls, which I guess sounds just as raunchy). After that it all went to hell. I tried to make this hellish candy 3 friggin times. 3rd time was supposed to be the charm. I can't remember where I got this was either bon appetit or gourmet or one of those thousands of cooking mags I subscribe to....Fortunately for Martha (Stewart of course), this wasn't her fault. It came with a quippy little family story and how the recipe was passed down through generations, it pulled at your heart strings and for an uncompassionate bitch like me-self that aint often. Well someone along the line phucked up something cause I couldn't get the sheot to turn out to save my life. It is always best to blame others for our own setbacks......keeps the mind healthy and strong.

Here are the kiddos......2 of them anyway. Decorating Christmas Tree Sugar Cut-outs for Santa Claus.

I swear we all have diabetes after eating these.........

Click on these tree pics to blow them up....they look damn fine. I decorate a mean tree, if I do say so myself.

Last, but not least, this is our elusive College Student (Don't worry, he had no hand in any of the food preparation, with hair like that are you kidding me??? Although, Starbucks loves him). He decided to grace us with his presence for 3 days with his common law wife (heheheheh sitting next to him). He blew in and blew out of here and is back in Omaha making us proud at the University of Nebraska. Majoring in Chemistry with the intent to go to Pharmacy School at the University of Nebraska Medical Center. I know he looks more like a street pharmacist than someone you would find in Walgreens (we tease him that he looks like Captain Caaaaave Man)but he loves that head of hair of his and we love him for loving it!!!!!!!! Get a tat' already dude, it's time.

I really need to update more often....this was exhausting.

Friday, December 26, 2008

This IS Where the Obsessive Comes in..........

Since us "perimenopausal" women should not be embibbing caffeinated beverages I decided to bite the bullet and literally throw myself into the world of TEA. I have a plethora of choices now. Obsessive??? Perhaps.....but I always go "BIG" when I do anything. Who can resist the Berry Blossom White, or the Carmel Nut, or the Pumpkin Spice or my purrrrsonal fave drum rrrrrolllll puhleaze "The TAZO Organic Apple Red", this is a sweet African red tea with real apple, cinnamon and the flavor of caramel.

Those of you that know me, know I love my yoga, I love me my organic and I use cinnamon as perfume.

~Did you know it can take the average women up to 10 hours to metabolize a cup of coffee????? YIKES

Parivrtta Parsvakonasanaor Revolved Side Angle Pose

This is what dreams are made of.......since Christmas Eve landed on Wed....our selfish yoga instructor decided to spend time with his family (how dare he) and so I have been without class since Monday........UGH. Thankfully we have class tomorrow. A jumping sun at home is never the same without your room full of sweaty male and female yogis.

Here are the beginings of the stuffed walnut cookies from King Arthur Flour (KAF)

These were an absolute dream to make

Here they are popped out after baking. These were stuffed with white chocolate hazlenut cream and dark chocolate hazlenut cream and then sandwhiched together. Since the other pictures aren't loaded will have to wait for the finished product.

I am soooo far behind on posting my culinary delights..........I don't think I will ever catch up.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Sarvangasana Cinnamon Roll Arse A.K.A Shoulder Stand Whilst Balancing Cinnamon Roll on Ass

Try doing one of these~

~courtesy of abc yoga

With one of these on each arse cheek~

Taint an easy task let me tell you~

Challah dough from Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day, filled with King Arthur Flour Baker's Cinnamon Filling and then glazed with some cream cheese, powder sugar, cream and a little butter and a splash of maple extract.

Read this in the Titusville Herald~Cherrytree News
Important News About Reindeer

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

DUH!!!! Is all I can say